Dark Memories
by Miriam G
Summary: That stupid mudblood! Why am I unable to kill her, even though she is the mother of the boy who is destined to destroy me? Is it because she looks so much like that girl I knew in Hogwarts?


WARNING!!! OOTP SPOILERS!!! READ OOTP!!! READ IT NOW!!! (Unless you have already read it, under these circumstances read this fic first, then read OotP - again.)  
  
Disclaimer: Boy, I hate disclaimers but I don't want to get sued! Ok: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm not JKR. I'm not stealing anything. Really!  
  
Author's note: There is something I really need to say: AAARRGGHHH!!! I HATE PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE!!! Uhum. *clears her throat* Well, she doesn't have anything to do with this fic but I really needed to say it. I HATE HER SO MUCH!!! Ok, well, just read this, ok?  
  
Dark Memories  
  
By Miriam G.  
  
It is raining. I pull my cloak closer to my skinny body. Not that I care about the cold. I like the cold. I like it much better than the warm.  
  
I clench my wand with my thin fingers as I look at the house in front of me. A grin spreads over my face. The house looks dark and gloomy in the cold night. A pumpkin face grins at me from the porch. It is, after all, Halloween.  
  
Slowly I step onto the porch. Long, thin fingers, as white as freshly fallen snow, make their way around the door knob. Of course, the door is locked. But that is not much of a hindrance for me. I raise my wand and whisper: "Alohomora." The door opens immediately and I step into the house.  
  
As I enter a small room where a couple of cloaks hang on the wall, I pass a mirror. A completely white face with red eyes that seem to glow in the dark, a nose that is nothing more than two slits in the face and a mouth with an evil smirk looks back at me. You could not say that I am handsome. Well, I used to be quite handsome; young and dark-haired but that is a long time ago. I had to make these physical changes to myself in order to gain more power. A small price to pay in my opinion. Besides, I have never liked my handsome looks very much - not since someone told me how much I resemble my father.  
  
I hear voices from the living room. "Lily, take Harry and run! It's him! Hurry, I will stop him!" I smirk to myself. What a fool that Potter is! I burst through the door, laughing evilly with my high-pitched voice. I just catch a glimpse of red hair as the girl, Lily, flees from the room. I make no attempt to stop her. She cannot escape from me, no matter where she goes.  
  
James Potter stares at me. He is shivering but I know that he is trying to hide his fear. Pure hatred shines from his brown eyes behind the glasses. His raven-black hair is frizzy, just like the other three times I had met him when he had defied me.  
  
I am not in a hurry to kill him because I know that he does not stand a chance against me, the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk on the face of the earth. I laugh again, loudly, and say: "You are a fool, Potter. You know that you are not the reason why I am here. You could have run away and saved yourself but instead you attempt to fight me in order to protect your..." My voice sounds a little disgusted as I speak the next word. "...family." Potter is still staring at me. He raises his wand with his shivering hand, ready to strike at me, as soon as necessary. I continue: "Many would call this bravery, Potter. But I call it foolishness because that is what it is. And all because of this thing that you call love."  
  
Yes, love. It is such a useless emotion. How often have I seen people do foolish things because of what they call love. I have never understood it. Perhaps because I have never been loved. Admired, yes. Respected, yes. But loved... no. Not even my own parents have loved me. The mere fact that I exist proves how foolish love is. My mother, a young witch, fell in love with a useless muggle. Nothing came out of this love except a lot of pain and tears for my mother. He left her when he found out that she was a witch. He never loved her. He did not even care when she died, bearing his child. I grew up in poverty in a filthy muggle orphanage while he lived in his riches, not caring about me. But then again, if my mother had not been so foolish, I wouldn't be standing here now. I, Lord Voldemort, the most powerful wizard in the world, would not exist and that is not a very pleasant thought. I usually do not think much about my past as Tom Marvolo Riddle. Tom Marvolo Riddle is dead, only Lord Voldemort exists now but sometimes these thoughts just overcome me, like now.  
  
My high-pitched laughter fills the room as I point my wand at Potter to kill him. I have to admit that he puts up a good fight but he never had a chance against me. Before long his dead body drops to the floor, the eyes and mouth opened wide. The room now looks as though a tornado has raged here. Only one window has not been damaged. I destroy it quickly with my wand before I step over Potter's body and go through the door through which Lily Potter has left the room with her baby.  
  
And there I see her. She is turning her back to me but I recognize the red hair. Like her husband, she has also defied me three times but I admit that I have never seen her up close before. She is shivering with fear as she feels my presence behind her. A child is crying and I know it must be the boy that I have come to kill. The boy that is destined to destroy me.  
  
"No. No. It can't be" Lily whispers as she slowly turns around to face me. I want to scare her with my evil, high-pitched laughter but I choke on it as I see her face. Her green eyes are filled with tears. Unlike her husband she is not trying to hide her fear. I stare at her. Red hair, green eyes. Red hair, green eyes. Red hair, green eyes. "Denise" I whisper in a shaky voice before I even realize what I have said.  
  
***  
  
I am sitting in the library in Hogwarts. A dozen books are standing on my table. My feet hardly touch the ground. I chew on the end of my quill as my eleven-year-old eyes dart over the lines in the book that I am studying. "Salazar Slytherin was not only very cunning but was also a parsel-tounge, which is the reason why the animal of the Hogwarts house Slytherin is a serpent." I grab a piece of parchment and make some notes. If I want to find the Chamber of Secrets I might need all the information about Salazar Slytherin that I can get.  
  
Before I have finished writing this down, I suddenly hear voices from across the library. I look up and see a person with red hair and green eyes. She is laughing about something her friend just said as her finger runs over the book titles, searching for the one that she needs.  
  
Denise Heninger. Eleven years old. Ravenclaw. Mudblood.  
  
Why can I not keep my eyes off her smiling face? Why do I have to stop my important work to count her freckles? What is it that makes me feel so different when I see her? I do not know but my eyes follow her like hypnotized until she has found the book that she was looking for and skips out of the room, earning a piercing look from the librarian.  
  
My heart is beating in an unusual way. My hands are trembling. Why? I force myself to resume to my studies of Salazar Slytherin. I look at my parchment and realize that I have written: "Salazar Slytherin was very cunning and was Denise Heninger Denise Heninger Denise Heninger..."  
  
Angrily I crumble the parchment and throw it to the floor, muttering: "Stupid mudblood."  
  
***  
  
Yes, that stupid mudblood! She distracted me from my noble work and this mudblood girl is doing exactly the same thing. I shake off the memories from so many years ago and look at Lily Potter again. Obviously she has not heard me whispering Denise's name for she is still trembling with fear. In a quiet voice she stutters: "No. Please. I..." I let out a short laugh and raise my wand. She is only the mother of the boy but I see no reason to let her live. Besides, she is a mudblood and deserves to die.  
  
I want to shout the Avada Kedavra but my mouth is refusing to speak. I stare at the girl. 'Die!' I think 'Die!' But I just cannot kill her, without even understanding the reason why. I am furious at myself. I catch myself thinking: 'She looks exactly like Denise.'  
  
***  
  
My laughter echoes through the school corridors. The big snake beside me hisses. "Kill. Blood. I need something to kill." "Do not worry" I assure it "There is more than enough for you to kill in this school." I grin. Never have I been so pleased in my life. Finally I have the chance to free the school from mudbloods, with the help of the great monster of Slytherin, the basilisk, that I had found in the Chamber of Secrets. It has taken me five years to find it.  
  
I hear voices around the corner. Girl voices. The basilisk smells the air with its tounge and hisses: "Mudbloods. I can smell it." Smirking, I look around the corner to see whose death is now at hand. I feel a sudden panic when I realize who these two girls are that are laughing and talking in the hall; Denise Heninger and her best friend.  
  
"Wait!" I order the basilisk and jump before it around the corner, stopping in front of the two girls. They look up as I approach them. Denise does not look at my face but instead at the prefect's badge on my robes. "Is something wrong?" she asks, wiping her hair off her forehead. I suddenly feel the urge to touch that red hair of hers and that freckled face. I almost reach out my hand but instead I say: "Yes. Something is wrong. You should not enter this corridor." My voice trembles slightly. Her presence makes me nervous but I do not know why.  
  
"Why not?" Denise's friend asks, puzzled. "Well... uh, Peeves" is the only answer I give them. They both nod and walk away in a different direction. Of course they trusted me; I am a prefect. A sigh of relief escapes my throat when the hissing of the basilisk brings me back into the real world. "Why did you not let me kill them?" I bite my lip and hit my forehead with my palm. "Be quiet!" I respond because I do not know the answer myself.  
  
***  
  
No, I could not kill Denise. And I cannot kill Lily either. I hate her for not being able to hate her. That does not even make sense!  
  
Trying to hide my weakness, I lower my wand and order the shivering woman in front of me: "Step aside!" "No!" she protests. "Step aside!" I repeat through clenched teeth. "No!" she cries in a whiny voice "Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"  
  
I am starting to get angry. Does she not realize that I am giving her the chance to live, something that I do not do often? She is a lucky woman but yet she refuses to save her own life, just because of her love for the stupid boy.  
  
My white face must be turning red now as I grab her by the shoulder and hiss: "Step aside, you silly girl! Go now!" She is almost begging on her knees, tears streaming down her red face as she cries: "Not Harry, please not, take me, kill me instead!" How could she be so stupid? I could not kill her instead of that boy. It was he who was destined to destroy me, not her.  
  
"Very well" I whisper grimly but I am not sure if she has heard it. She must be punished for her foolishness. I do not have a choice. I need that boy and if she was not going to turn him over, I would just have to kill her, just like...  
  
***  
  
"No! Please!" a trembling voice begs. A man in his early fifties is kneeling in front of me, begging for his life. I hear the mocking laughter of the Death Eaters behind me. I point my wand at the man. He covers his head with his hand as if he is hoping to be able to shield himself from the curse that way. "Avada..."  
  
Then, suddenly...  
  
"Noooo!!" All heads turn in the direction of a woman in her late fourties who is stumbling into the room. She stops in front of me and falls to the floor. "Please leave me husband alone" she begs "I will do anything, you can kill me instead, please..."  
  
I do not know what to do or say. I recognize the red hair and the green eyes. It is Denise Heninger.  
  
It takes me a few moments to be able to turn my eyes away from her and to speak. I look at her trembling husband. I feel hatred towards him, not knowing why. A strange thought crosses my mind. 'He does not deserve her.' But then I remind myself that she is nothing more than a filthy mudblood. A filthy mudblood with beautiful, red hair and amazing, green eyes...  
  
"Get out of my way, Denise!" I order in a voice that I hope sounds cold and frightening. Denise looks at me in shock. "Ho-how do you know my name?" she whimpers. She does not recognize me. Of course not. Who would see that pale, dark-haired prefect from so many years ago in this snake-faced monster that I am now? For a moment I consider telling her what happened to the little Tom and whom she is staring at in fear but instead I shove her aside and point my wand at her husband.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" A flash of green light escapes my wand, shoots toward the man cowering on the floor and within a second he falls to the floor - dead. "NOOOOOO!!!" Denise cries out. She throws her arms around the dead body of her husband. Her eyes resemble waterfalls. "No! No! You cannot be dead! NOOO!!" The tears fall unto the lifeless face of her husband.  
  
I feel something I have never felt before as I see Denise weeping. A sting in my chest. It hurts. It hurts so much and yet it is not physical pain. I cannot describe it but it is so strange. I carefully grab my chest. Why does it hurt so much?  
  
"Why did you have to die? Why?"  
  
The Death Eaters around me laugh. The pain in my chest increases by the second. Suddenly...  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" Green lighting hits Denise and she drops dead onto her husband. I turn around. A Death Eater called Frail has raised his wand and is now laughing about the fate of the mudblood. He killed her. With obvious pleasure in his voice he says: "That filthy mud..." "Avada Kedavra!" Before he can finish the sentence he drops dead on the floor. The laughter of the other Death Eaters dies. I look at Frail's dead body. I am not sure why I suddenly felt so much hatred towards him but I felt that he deserved to die.  
  
"But, M-master, w-why did you do that?" Nott's voice stammers behind me. I turn around and shout: "Avada..." I pause, suddenly realizing what I have done and cry instead: "Crucio!" Nott wriggles with pain on the floor.  
  
It was not wise to kill Frail; he was one of my most loyal Death Eaters. Nothing I did while Denise Heninger was nearby was wise. And I know why. Love. Such a useless emotion! But now she is dead and that is better. And hopefully I will never have to experience anything as useless and hindering as love again.  
  
***  
  
I close my eyes, knowing that it is better that the mudblood dies. I do not want to show my weakness, not even towards a person that is about to die. I let out a fake laughter, point my wand at the girl and before I get the chance to hesitate I choke out: "Avada Kedavra!" I hear Lily's screams as she falls to the floor. I know that she is dead. Again, I feel that sting in my chest. That pain that is worse than all physical pain. But I ignore it. I know that I have to.  
  
I carefully and slowly open my eyes. Lily. She is dead. Lying on the floor. Her red hair covering most of her cold face. Looking at her is so painful. I do not what to do. I do not know what I want. I start bending down to wipe the hair off her face but change my mind and just remain in my position, staring at her.  
  
A sudden squeal brings me back to earth. A boy is sitting in front of me, merely a year old. I doubt that he knows what I have just done to his mother or his expressions would be a lot more fearful. His green eyes seem to be studying me. He has probably never seen a person with a snake-like face with red eyes before.  
  
As much as I have hated the boy before because of his destiny, I now hate him much more than before. I have never hated anyone as much as him except for my father, perhaps. And that even though he is only a baby.  
  
"Look what you made me do!" I growl at the child, gesturing towards his dead mother. The boy does not react. He keeps studying my pale face.  
  
In furious anger I point my wand at him. I feel a great satisfaction as I speak the words: "Avada Kedavra!" This time a real laughter comes from my mouth as I watch the green bolt shoot towards the boy. But the laughter dies when the flash hits him but instead of making him fall to the floor like his parents it jumps right off him. I realize too late that it is now shooting into my direction. "WAAAHH!!!" I drop my wand in pain as the beam hits my body. The green light surrounds me and an excruciating pain runs through every single one of my bones. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" My hands grab my head as hard as I can. My screams fill the house. What is happening?  
  
I suddenly remember something I heard a long time ago. When someone dies to save another person's life, that person has a protection around himself, stronger than any magic. It is called love. So the one emotion that I thought was completely useless and foolish was my downfall. How ironic!  
  
The pain is horrible. It feels like it is tearing me apart. I believe that is exactly what is happening. Even though it only lasts for a few moments, my entire life flashes before my eyes. "NOOOOO!!! NOOOOO!!!" I do not want to die! I am the most powerful sorcerer in the world! I cannot die!  
  
The last thing that I see before my mind is pulled out of my body are those big, green baby eyes, staring at me...  
  
THE END  
  
Author's note: That's it! Now you've read it, now you review it. If you're thinking about flaming me, go ahead! Come one, flame me! I dare you, FLAME ME!!! Lord Voldemort's wrath will come over you, wuahahahahaha!!! (Look, I even dare to say his name!!) By the way; I love writing from the villain's point of view so you might be expecting more Tom Riddle/Voldey-fics from me. Thanks for taking your time to read this. ( 


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